


This Is the Alternative

by scrollgirl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Genderswap, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-01
Updated: 2005-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-02 15:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrollgirl/pseuds/scrollgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel react very differently to being turned into women by an alien device. Daniel does a Jane Goodall while Jack drinks beer and tries not to be attracted to a female Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is the Alternative

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2005 Jack/Daniel Ficathon. Includes genderbender and general Season 7 spoilers.

"O'Neill! Do not touch --"

* * *

Janet had to admit, she'd always thought the colonel had beautiful eyes -- dark, expressive eyes that could warm his entire face with just the tiniest crinkling at the corners. Eyes that went flat or cold when he put on what she secretly called his "game face". But now, with his hair in wispy grey bangs over his forehead, his eyebrows a shade more delicate, the colonel's dark eyes were utterly mesmerising. Those lashes --

"Would you _stop_ that?" the colonel demanded, jerking his -- her -- his -- chin out of Janet's grasp and moving to cross his arms defensively over his chest. He stopped, looked down at himself, and groaned. "This is nightmare. Please, please tell me this is just a nightmare and that I ate some bad chilli last night. I'm going to wake up any second now with all my... _parts_ still attached."

In the next bed over, Daniel gave a delicate, feminine snort. "Like you're even getting much use out of your parts these days," he scoffed in a light alto; for some odd reason his voice had taken on a husky, breathy quality, as if he was a smoker. His hair was different too; it fell past his shoulders in shining dark blonde waves. Studying his face critically, Janet decided that his features hadn't changed much beyond becoming more feminine. Daniel had already been gorgeous as a guy -- and as a woman? With big blue eyes, pouty mouth, and flawless skin? He apparently had the ability to make highly disciplined Air Force officers gawk and stammer and run into walls.

Janet pondered the possibility that Daniel's mother had been a Miss Universe contestant or a Playboy centrefold, as well as a world renowned archaeologist. It was the only plausible explanation for the stunningly beautiful, sexy, _beautiful_ woman presently sitting in her infirmary, in a paper gown, sneering at the colonel.

Janet also tried pondering the inherent unfairness of a universe that had given her her mother's height and her father's hair, but Daniel's sexy, breathy voice intruded loudly -- and that just said it all, really.

"It is too your fault, Jack!" he shot back. "You're the one who activated it! But what I can't understand is why _I_ experienced the same transformation when my hands were most definitely not touching the possibly dangerous, as-yet unidentified alien machine with the blinking blue and green lights!"

"It didn't start blinking until _after_ I touched it! How was I supposed to know the thing was even a machine? It looked like a big, black box!"

Janet glanced at Teal'c and Sam standing at the foot of the infirmary beds, looking torn between worry and amusement. While her left hand squeezed Daniel's bare foot in reassurance, Sam had to keep putting her right hand up to cover her grin. Teal'c, his face impassive, smirked with the set of his shoulders.

"You would have done well to heed my warning, O'Neill," he pronounced. The smirk in his shoulders had moved up to his neck muscles. "One Jaffa under my command made contact with such a device and was instantly transformed into a female version of himself. He became most distraught." Teal'c leaned forward, as if to impart a terrible secret. "The effects..."

Colonel O'Neill and Daniel stared wide-eyed as he trailed off mid-sentence, looking them up and down with a deep frown. "What? What?" said the colonel, panicked. "Don't tell me he got stuck like that!" His voice went up near the end in a decidedly unmanly squeak.

Now Teal'c was smirking for real, and Janet had to duck her head and bite her lip to keep from laughing. The two -- heh -- women on the infirmary beds, however, didn't seem so amused.

"I cannot tell you such a thing, O'Neill." His eyes were smug. "In fact, the effects of the device lasted only four days --"

"Bastard!" The colonel threw a pillow at his head, which Teal'c deftly caught with one hand. But then the Jaffa frowned.

"It is fortunate," he said, abruptly and in quite a different tone, "that Bor'nac and I were alone those four days, on a scouting mission." And Teal'c stared at Daniel's new body for a minute, intent. He looked like he was figuring something out. Well, Daniel did have really nice breasts. Toned, no hint of sagging even without a bra. Damn him.

"What is it?" asked Sam, confused.

Teal'c glanced at her but didn't answer; he simply looked at the colonel. It was a questioning look.

The colonel stared back, then coughed, once.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. The colonel scowled.

Daniel raised both of _his_ eyebrows -- first at Jack, then at Teal'c. Jack ignored him.

Teal'c sent the colonel one last look, then shook his head minutely at Daniel. After a moment, Daniel tipped his head at Teal'c, then turned to glare at the colonel.

The colonel glared back.

Glare, glare.

Glare, glare.

_God_, they were annoying. At least Teal'c wasn't making any more damned facial expressions.

Sam touched her elbow and rolled her eyes. _Men._ Janet quirked her lips in complete agreement. They were pains in the ass, every last one of them.

Crisp footsteps sounded in the hall, then halted in the doorway. Janet turned to see General Hammond blink in surprise at the two patients on the infirmary beds. Never one to let a little thing like alien-induced sex changes interfere with his equanimity for long, the general came around to Colonel O'Neill's bedside, shaking his head at the two of them. "This is a fine mess you've gotten yourselves into," he sighed, sounding more tired than bemused.

"We try our best, sir," the colonel tossed off, his face a little red. He folded his arms awkwardly over his breasts.

The general pretended not to notice. "Dr. Fraiser? Any answers?"

Oh, goody. Janet grimaced. "CAT scans show nothing unusual. Blood-work shows oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels are at what would be normal in females Colonel O'Neill's and Dr. Jackson's respective ages." She ignored the colonel's whimper of "oh god, _menopause_?" and continued her report. "DNA is virtually identical, save for one small -- relatively small -- exception: the XY chromosome is now an XX. Don't ask me how that is even possible, but. Well." She waved her clipboard at them. "The colonel and Daniel are most definitely women." God, they were _women_, and she didn't have a clue. She hated not having a clue.

"Teal'c says he's seen this transformation happen before," Daniel spoke up in that husky voice of his. For a second, the general could only gape at him -- her -- and _of course_ even the general would look, Daniel was _gorgeous_ \-- before he turned expectantly to Teal'c.

"The Jaffa who endured the transformation did not suffer any ill effects. He was as healthy as a woman as he had been as a man; his symbiote had not been affected. Within four days, the process had been reversed." Janet watched the colonel watch Teal'c as Teal'c then said, "It is not Goa'uld technology. I encountered the same device on two other worlds and was careful to avoid contact. I never learned what race created the device, or to what purpose." He bowed his head slightly to the general. "I regret I cannot tell you much more."

General Hammond nodded in acknowledgement, then shifted his attention to Sam. Colonel O'Neill glanced over as well, and noticed Janet's scrutiny. His dark eyes went flat and, damn. Kind of disturbing to see that very familiar game face on a not quite familiar face. She half-smiled at him, ruefully, and tuned into Sam's speculation.

"Sir, my initial scans of the device didn't show any energy readings at all. From all appearances, it really was just a big, black box made of a trinium alloy. After the colonel activated the device, there was a spike in low level radiation. Nothing harmful," she hastened to assure him, "and the spike only lasted a few seconds. But considering Daniel and the colonel's almost instantaneous transformation, it seemed safer to treat it as a bio-hazard. Recommend we send a Hazmat team to retrieve the device for study."

The general turned to Teal'c. "Did you ever touch the device yourself?"

"I used my robe to protect my hands when examining the device. I do not know if I too would have been transformed had I made skin contact. Once he realised what had been done to him, Bor'nac touched the device numerous times in hopes it would again transform him. It did not."

Janet started to protest, but Sam beat her to it. "But Teal'c, it could've just been that he'd already been changed. Maybe it only works on a person once, and the device can't read them a second time. That would fit with the transformation reversing itself automatically. Although..."

When she hesitated, the colonel dropped his head back and sighed. "Spit it out, Carter."

She grimaced. "Well, sir, it's like Daniel said. He didn't touch the device -- you did. So why did he change too?"

Startled, not having been privy to their earlier conversation, General Hammond stared at Daniel. "Son --" He stopped, disconcerted, then went gamely on. "Did you make contact the device at all? Brush against it without realising?"

Daniel shook his head, one wavy lock of golden hair falling across his cheek. He brushed it behind his ear absently. "No, I was about a metre away, there's no way I could've touched it. But I do remember grabbing Jack to pull him away from the box, so maybe something happened there. Maybe I touched his hand or his face, and got caught up in the transformation process."

Maybe. Janet figured it was as good an explanation as anything. "There's nothing in your test results to indicate that something like a foreign biological agent, or, I don't know -- nanites? -- was passed on through physical contact. Though to be honest, it's just as possible our equipment isn't sensitive enough to detect whatever did this."

"Keep looking, doctor. Major, assemble a team and get that device back here -- _safely_." The general shook his head. "Hopefully Teal'c is right, and Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson will revert to their normal selves in four days' time, but I'd rather have all our bases covered. Get to work, people."

* * *

Daniel got up from the floor when Jack came striding into his office, looking relieved and pissed off and ridiculous all at the same time. He'd already changed into civvies, his belt cinched tight to keep his pants from falling down. Jack had gone from a tall, rangy man to a tall, even rangier woman. He didn't have a lot of curves, but Daniel could definitely tell he -- she -- was a woman.

Jack eyed him curiously. "What were you doing on the floor?"

"Push-ups. Or, trying, anyway. Don't know how Sam does it." Jack shrugged, clearly unimpressed by the experiment. Daniel cleared his throat. "So I take it he said yes?" His voice was coming out kind of husky, like he was starting to catch a cold. A sex change and a cold -- just terrific.

"Yeah. Apparently Hammond can't say no to me when I'm a woman," said Jack. Oh, and now he looked completely freaked out, as well as relieved and pissed off and ridiculous.

"Let's take the pros where we can, Jack." Daniel was trying to be philosophical about this whole experience. He suspected he wasn't quite finished freaking out either, but he'd mostly gotten over the shock and denial.

"Pros? Pros?" Jack skipped over pissed off and dove right into enraged. His wispy grey bangs almost hid the vein throbbing on his forehead, but Daniel knew where to look. "There are no pros here, Daniel! My _dick_ is _gone_!"

Daniel couldn't help it -- he burst out laughing. Two quick steps and Jack was right there, shaking him and hissing, "It's not fucking funny, Daniel!"

"Sorry, sorry," he gasped, still giggling. Then Daniel realised he was _giggling_, and he shut up fast, staring into Jack's eyes only three inches away. "Sorry," he whispered, meaning it this time. "Sorry, Jack..." He touched his fingertips to Jack's chin. Soft skin. No five o'clock shadow. His mouth was the same though. Daniel licked his lips.

"_Daniel_." Jack's voice went raspy and deep, almost as deep as it would normally be. His fingers dug into Daniel's shoulders. Then Jack was pushing away from him, turning to stare blindly at a gold plate Egyptian death mask hanging on the wall.

Daniel blinked, confused by the sudden tension. "Okay..." he said slowly, staring at his friend's back, then down at the slender hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Okay, what the hell just happened?" If possible, Jack's fists clenched even tighter, his knuckles bone white. Daniel reached out to touch the back of one hand and found himself yanked off balance. "Jack!"

"What happened is that you are treating this like it's a damn joke!" Jack yanked him again, pulling him even closer. "Have you even looked in a mirror yet?"

This was not making things any clearer for Daniel. "Of course I've looked! You've looked too -- it was the first thing you did when we got to the infirmary!" He managed to jerk his forearm out of Jack's grasp, then winced at the reddened skin. "Sex change, a cold, now Indian burn," he muttered under his breath. "Should've stayed a glowy squid."

A heavy sigh brush warmly against Daniel's cheek, but he didn't look up, not even when Jack took his arm to gently massage it. "Come on," said Jack, gruffly. "Let's just get out of here while the getting's good."

* * *

Cassie knew she was being rude, but she couldn't help staring. Shit, Daniel was a _girl_. He -- she? She had boobs and hips and everything! Actually, she was kind of hot. Not, like, supermodel hot -- she wasn't thin enough for that -- but very pretty, with nice curves. Cassie had gotten over her crush on Daniel years ago, but it's not like she didn't have eyes. This was simply aesthetic appreciation for a very good-looking woman.

"Cassie, cut it out," her mom chided, poking her in the ribs before passing the salsa to Sam, who was opening up a bag of Tostitos. "You're making Daniel uncomfortable. This is supposed to be fun, not embarrassing."

Dressed in Sam's old jeans and a USAF sweatshirt, Daniel perched on a stool in their breakfast nook, slicing cucumbers for the vegetable tray. Her face was almost as red as the tomatoes, but she was laughing. Cassie couldn't remember the last time she saw Daniel laugh. "Janet, it's okay, really," she said, grinning at them both. Her voice was kind of low for a woman's, a bit raspy. Not at all like Daniel's usual clear voice. Weird. "When I woke up this morning, I'd completely forgot about the, you know," she waved a hand at herself. "The change. I spent an hour in front of the mirror, just staring."

"Well, yeah!" Cassie waved her own hand at Daniel's chest. "You're still you, but a girl. This is your chance to explore your feminine side for real! Like, really experience it. Most guys won't even admit that they _have_ a feminine side. But then," she said, more seriously, "is it any wonder with the way society tells us that we have to conform to gender roles? Like we're still living in the dark ages." She gave a deep sigh, but smiled at Daniel who was nodding vigorously in agreement. Her mom and Sam only gave each other a Look.

"Don't get me wrong, Daniel," her mom broke in, standing in front of the open fridge with one hand on the pickle jar. "I'm glad you're taking this so well -- but I haven't been able to figure out a thing about how this happened to you and the colonel, or how to change you back." She finally pulled the jar out, twisted the lid, and began forking the gerkins onto a plate. "It's kind of worrying. I really hope you had better luck, Sam."

Sam made a face. "I wish. I got a whole lot of nothing. Sorry, Daniel," she added, touching Daniel's shoulder in apology. "And I know you're the one who wanted to get together tonight, but I can't help but feel I should be back in the lab, working on the problem of fixing you, instead of --"

"Instead of throwing me a slumber party just to satisfy my scientific curiosity?" said Daniel, looking like she was going to laugh again. "Sam, it's okay, it's going to be fine." She put an arm around Sam's waist to hug her. "We trust Teal'c. If there was even the slightest chance Jack and I were actually going to be stuck this way, he would've said something right from the start. There's nothing to worry about."

Cassie wondered at her mom's frown when Daniel said that, but she wasn't really supposed to be asking about the specifics of what had happened. She didn't have the right "security clearance" to know details -- though apparently General Hammond thought it was okay that she knew Jack and Daniel had been turned into freaking _girls_. Not that Cassie was complaining. When they dropped Daniel off at Jack's house in the morning, she was _definitely_ bringing her camera.

"So," said Daniel brightly, crunching down on a carrot stick. "_Thelma and Louise_ or _Sleepless in Seattle_?"

* * *

He wondered if maybe that damn box had done more than just make his dick disappear. Maybe it had scrambled his brains as well. Scrambled them, poached them. Why else would he be sitting in his den, wearing his baggiest, grungiest sweats, not having showered in three days, with a Guinness in one hand and a Wonderbra in the other? Fucking sunny-side up, is why else.

"Well?" Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed one bare foot tapping impatiently on the hardwood floor. The foot was pale and slender and, Christ. Had pinkish opalescent nail polish. And a silver toe ring. Definitely not at _all_ like the feet that were usually stuffed in combat boots and attached to one Dr. Daniel Jackson.

Finally Jack stopped staring down at that foot and stared up at Daniel's face instead. "Well, what?" At least the scowl creasing his forehead made Daniel look slightly less spectacularly gorgeous. Jack clung to that thought with all his might.

"What do you mean, 'what'? What do you _think_?" Daniel smoothed the shiny black synthetic material over his hips, and spun once, a little clumsily. The red halter top was tight and hugged every curve, but the short skirt flared, flashing creamy thighs, long legs bare, and shaved, and silky smooth, and holy fuck, Daniel was a fucking wet dream and Jack missed his dick _so much_.

"If I --" He coughed, put his beer bottle to his lips, sucked it dry. When he spoke, his voice was still kind of hoarse; he could only hope Daniel wouldn't notice. "If I tell you it makes you look fat, will you go away?" And that didn't sound at all desperate. Nope.

Exasperated, Daniel leaned down -- oh God, cleavage -- and snatched the bra out of his hand. "Damn it, Jack, we only have one day left! Aren't you even the least bit curious about all this? There's still so much I want to try. I was thinking Sam and Janet and I could hit a couple of bars tonight --"

"No!" Jack sat up straight, appalled. "Are you fucking _insane_?" Just -- no. There was no way he was letting skirt-wearing Daniel out of this house, let alone to a fucking _bar_. Where there were _men_ who would -- No. No way.

"God, give me some credit, Jack. I wasn't going to pick up some strange guy just so I could experience what it's like to have sex as a woman --"

Dropping his head back, Jack stared blindly at the ceiling, muttering, "shut up, shut up, shut up," but Daniel wasn't shutting up.

"-- not that I'm not curious -- Janet gave me a crash course in female sexuality last night, and I know multiple orgasms are a rare occurrence, but it all sounds fascinating, so different from what men experience --"

"What is there to be curious _about_?" Jack demanded, almost yelling at the ceiling. "We're _guys_, we're _men_ \--"

Daniel leaned over him, forcing him to make eye contact; his tone was measured even though he was scowling again. "_Jack._ Jack, I know that. I happen to _like_ being a guy. But for now, we're women, we have vaginas --"

"Oh my _God_, Daniel, would you please shut _up_?" Jack begged, squeezing his eyes shut as if he could keep the words away by praying hard enough. Unfortunately the image of Daniel -- sexy, pretty, oblivious Daniel, prancing around in a woman's body and women's lingerie -- had been seared into his retinas. That had been this morning. What a hell of a way to wake up.

There was quiet for a minute after his outburst; he could hear Mrs. Henderson next door, singing along with the radio as she gardened. Then he heard Daniel make a noise of frustration, felt the couch bounce once as Daniel flopped down next to him. Jack slit one eye open to peek at him and gave an inward sigh of relief. Maybe they had breasts now, but they both still sat like guys, spines slouched, legs spread comfortably. No, wait; that was bad. Legs should be crossed. Especially Daniel's legs. Jack squeezed his eyes shut again.

Next to him, Daniel sighed again, then stood up, taking the empty from his hand. "Be right back." Jack listened to Daniel pad into the kitchen, open a cupboard, pour something. There was more rummaging before he came padding back.

Cool, slim fingers pressed cool glass into his hand. Jack opened his eyes, startled. "Here, take these." Daniel dropped a couple of extra-strength Tylenol into his other hand. His wide blue eyes were apologetic; his smile was kind. Jack let himself stare at that mouth for another second before turning his attention to swallowing the pills.

He drank half the water, then lifted the glass to rub it against his forehead, dampening his bangs with condensation. The throbbing in his skull was subsiding already, though Jack didn't think it was the fast-acting Tylenol. He jumped slightly at the touch of those cool fingers on the back of his neck, but relaxed into the tiny massage. "How'd you know I had a headache? I didn't even notice."

"I don't know, I just knew." Daniel rubbed small circles down the nape of his neck, to his shoulders, slipping under the stretched neckline of Jack's old sweatshirt. "I hope you're not getting your period."

Jack huffed a laugh, or maybe it was a sob, but he didn't say a word because, really, what was the point in having a psychotic break now, when Daniel was sitting so close to him, bare thigh pressed tantalisingly against his own.

Or maybe he'd already had the psychotic break and never even noticed -- more than likely he'd snapped for real, because Jack was turning and pressing Daniel down onto the couch. His mouth was on Daniel's, swallowing his surprised "oh!", and he must've put the glass down somehow because both his hands -- his smaller, female hands -- were under Daniel's skirt, stroking that silky soft skin and feeling that heat, oh god, so close, just a couple of inches and a scrap of pink cotton.

But even while Jack licked at his lips, licked his way into that mouth to touch Daniel's tongue with his own, Daniel lay tense under him, though he didn't resist. So Jack was going to be good, honest to God, he was going to take his hands away from all that skin and heat. Any second now, he was going to take his tongue out of that wet, slick mouth, but then Daniel shuddered, once, and moaned low and sweet. And he arched up against Jack, those goddamn gorgeous legs of his spreading open like natural, and he dragged Jack's hand up, dragged it right _there_. Oh fuck, Jack was stroking Daniel through damp underwear.

Daniel broke the kiss, panting, "Oh god, Jack, Jack," his blue eyes a little wild as he stared up at him.

"Can I? I want, please, I --" Dimly Jack realised he wasn't being all that coherent, but Daniel was a fucking mind-reader because he flipped his skirt up and pulled his panties down to mid-thigh, which was as far as he could go with Jack on top of him. Jack slid down a little, to get a better view. Left hand gripping Daniel's hip, right hand shaking slightly, he touched Daniel's curls, slid his first and second fingers through them. Daniel gasped, arched up. Jack slid his fingers down further, felt the wetness and then the clit, hard and tight. He rubbed it, watched his fingers touching Daniel, then looked up to watch Daniel's face as he touched him.

"Daniel," he breathed, staring, unable to look away as Daniel came apart. "Daniel, god, you're beautiful, you are so -- fucking -- beautiful," and he slid his fingers in deep, once, twice. Added a third finger though it was tight, slippery but so tight, and it was good, it was perfect. He kept thrusting in, a steady rhythm, his own hips jerking instinctively. God, he wanted his cock so bad right then, wanted to feel Daniel squeezing him as he came.

Daniel was already coming, sobbing Jack's name as his body shuddered and quaked, muscles clenching, thighs slick. Daniel was still coming when Jack kicked the coffee table away, dropped to his knees beside the coach, and dragged Daniel's hips closer. "Oh god, yes," moaned Daniel in that fucking sexy voice of his, and Jack moaned too as he buried his face between Daniel's silky thighs and licked him clean. Licked him all over, then jabbed his tongue in as if to catch the last few drops. Oh, and fuck, fuck, Daniel was coming again and it was the best damn thing in the world and he could do this forever. He wanted to do this forever.

* * *

A couple of hours later, after Daniel had clawed his sweatpants down, and showed him just exactly how cunning his linguist could be, and Jack had touched those soft, perfect breasts and those hard, perfect nipples, and licked and sucked them until he knew there'd be hickies tomorrow, and after Daniel had moved them into the bedroom so they could make out under the blankets until they were both drowsy and warm, their jaws aching, Jack touched his fingertips to Daniel's cheek and gazed at him, heart full of feeling. "I'm in love with you, you know. Have been for years." Daniel had looked so surprised, and he'd stammered for a full minute before he took a deep breath and kissed Jack softly on the mouth, murmuring, "I don't remember why I came back, but it must've been for you, Jack." They kissed some more, then, just little kisses that melted Jack's insides, before finally drifting off to sleep.

When they woke up, they were back to the way they were. Jack realised it first, and swung his legs out of bed to sit, hunched over, his back turned to Daniel. Daniel lay stunned and motionless under the covers, and he whispered over and over, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God."

* * *

Teal'c alone understood the darker moods that gripped O'Neill, when his eyes would become desolate, like stone. His body returned to him, O'Neill tasked himself to reclaim it fully by pursuing a relentless exercise regime, running and sparring and lifting weights until his limbs trembled with exhaustion and his skin grew pasty. Still he would not rest.

Daniel Jackson came once to spar with O'Neill; while they fought cleanly and did no harm, O'Neill had clutched his side afterward, as though wounded.

Teal'c was moved with compassion for his friend, but he had no wise or helpful words to share. What was there to say? Should he tell O'Neill of how Bor'nac had drawn him down onto his bedroll that fourth night? How he had touched Teal'c with eager hands and sweet words and hopeful eyes, and how Teal'c had allowed himself to be persuaded for the sake of a friend?

Their situations did not compare, Teal'c knew, and so he remained silent.

* * *

"Daniel? Daniel, come on, talk to me." No answer, but she knew he was in there. He was just being his usual stubborn self. "Daniel, open the door." More silence. Fed up and more worried than she'd like to admit, Sam pulled out her set of Daniel's keys and let herself in. She made her way through the cluttered house, pausing at the half-open bedroom door to gaze at the figure curled up on the bed.

"No, please, come on in, I don't value my privacy at all," Daniel mumbled into his pillow. He flopped a hand in her direction and Sam took that as an invitation. Sitting on the bed by his hip, she rubbed his back like he was a colicky baby until he finally groaned and rolled over to sit up. He tried glaring at her, but his eyes were naked without his glasses and Sam could see the worry lurking.

"He's going to be fine," she told him first thing, to reassure him. "Janet says it's just fatigue, from all the work-outs he's been putting in. That, and he hasn't been eating enough to keep up with the work-outs."

Scepticism warred with relief in Daniel's eyes, and he picked at the covers restlessly. "Just fatigue? That's it? I thought --" He cut himself off, biting his lip. Sam squeezed his foot and waited. "I thought he was having a stroke or something."

The thought of the colonel dying of a stroke, on base, with Janet and the infirmary right there, did nothing for Sam's equilibrium. "Well, you saw him after, he was fine. He's going to be fine," she said gamely, squeezing his foot again. "Though if you'd stuck around another minute, Janet could've told you so herself."

"Yeah, sorry about that." He ducked his head. "Had a sudden case of identity crisis. Figured I should go panic someplace where people couldn't see me." His head came up suddenly, and he stared at her, biting his lip. "Sam, I was wondering. We don't really talk about this... this particular issue, but I was wondering, and you don't have to answer, of course --"

Somehow, Sam knew -- she didn't know how she knew, but she did -- where Daniel was going with this, and for a moment she considered heading him off at the pass. If she said she didn't want to talk about it, he would respect that; Daniel didn't push her to share the way he pushed the colonel.

But she was tired of dancing around her feelings, his feelings, and anyway, she'd made her choice months ago, so it was actually easy to say, "You want to know if I'm still in love with him."

He blinked rapidly, startled by her matter-of-fact tone, but then visibly gathered himself to meet candour with candour. "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I wanted to know. If you, um, don't mind my asking." Blue eyes met blue; Sam reached her hands out to clasp both of his, and Daniel smiled warmly. Yes, they really were going to talk about Jack, about their feelings for him, finally.

"Am I still in love with Jack? Yes --" Oh. Oh, Daniel. He tried hiding it, but Sam could see his grief at her words, could sense him closing the door because of course he'd never pursue a relationship with Jack, knowing it would hurt her. But there was guilt, too, and Sam felt her own pang of dismay -- so they must've already done something, even if they'd backed off afterward.

The thought that Jack wanted Daniel more than he wanted her -- it hurt. But it was not a hurt that incapacitated, nor a deathblow. Sam forged on, determined to make things better for at least one of them. "Daniel, wait. Listen to me." Daniel composed himself and listened.

"Yes, I'm still in love with him, but I'm not going to be." She paused, searching for the right words. "I'm trying not to be. Being 'in love' is -- it's not for me. Not with him, anyway. I love him -- I know I'll always love him, and a part of me will always wonder what it would've been like to be with him, if we could've been together. But we're not those people," a nod at his dresser mirror, "those alternate reality versions of ourselves. The Jack O'Neill I know isn't the man I could be with and still be _me_, you know?"

Sam had Daniel's attention now. He sat perfectly still, his expression open. All of him was open, listening, hoping. "This is something I've been thinking about for the past few months," she explained, wanting to share with him the sleepless nights and the moody periods and the lists of pros and cons she'd drafted in her head. "About who I am. About what I want in life. I'm not getting any younger, Daniel, and I don't know if I've finally found... the right person, my soul-mate, whatever you want to call it."

"Soul-mate." He spoke the word softly, reverently, holding it tenderly to his breast. "Sha're."

And it was like a burden falling from her shoulders, a burden she hadn't even known she'd been carrying but recognised instantly as one that had weighed on her ever since Kelowna. Maybe even before. "And Jack. You forgot to say Jack."

Immediately Daniel opened his mouth to deny it, but the words never came because... Because he knew. She could see it in his face, how he'd thought Jack was having a stroke, right there in front of him, and the terrible fear he must've felt. Enough fear, Sam suspected, to finally wake him to what had always been there, beneath the surface. Daniel shook his head helplessly. "I never expected it," he whispered, stricken. "I didn't expect to ever feel this way again."

"You didn't expect Sha're either," Sam pointed out gently. "Daniel, you're allowed to love again. Besides," and now she grinned a little, "_nobody_ expects Jack. He's like the Spanish Inquisition."

Daniel barked a laugh, a nervous reaction more than anything else, but it worked to relieve the tension that had built up. "God, I can't believe we're even talking about this, Sam. You're being so... so _nice_. If I'd been in your place, I'd hate my guts!" He sobered a little then, and squeezed her hands in his. "What about you, Sam? I -- I don't want to do anything that would make you unhappy..."

"Oh, Daniel," she said, smiling at him fondly. She thought of the grief she and Teal'c had felt at losing him, and the anguish that Jack had only let slip in the rarest, most unguarded moments. "You idiot. You won't make me unhappy. Don't you know?" She dropped his hands to wrap her arms around his neck, laying her head on his broad shoulder. "You make me love _more_. For years I was in love with Jack, but nothing ever happened. All that emotion didn't _go_ anywhere, just turned back on itself and made me feel unwanted and dissatisfied. You didn't see how Jack was last year -- he was so closed off.

"But you came back, and I could _see_ how much he loved you, how much we all love each other. We missed you so much, Daniel, and you can't know how wonderful it is to be able to just _hug_ you," and now she was hugging him, and he was hugging her back, fiercely. "Daniel, I have so much love to _give_."

"That's good, that's fantastic," he murmured into her hair. "I'm glad, Sam, really. So does this, uh," and his eyes were laughing though his tone was serious, "does this mean you're going to tell Pete 'yes', after all?"

And then Daniel was laughing out loud because her eyes were bugging out, and she nearly fell off the bed scrambling for her cell phone. She was laughing herself when Pete finally picked up, and she blurted out, happily, "Hey, we should go house-shopping this weekend, what do you think?"

* * *

Daniel stared up at the sloping tent ceiling, waging an internal debate about timing. Off-world wasn't the best timing. A full day of hiking a frozen tundra wasn't the best timing. Actually, strictly speaking any time before Jack retired probably wasn't the best timing. Oh well, because Jack was unzipping the tent flap, and the time was now. Daniel sat up, braced himself.

Jack didn't seem surprised to find him still awake -- just stowed his weapon away, pulled off his jacket, and crawled into his bedroll with his boots still on. "Go to sleep, Daniel," said Jack, closing his eyes, sounding bone-tired. "We still have more than half a day's hike ahead of us."

Flipping on his penlight, Daniel lay down again, on his side so he could study Jack's profile. Jack squinched an eye open and scowled. "I'll turn it off in a second," Daniel promised, offering a tiny smile.

"Did I not just say something about going to sleep? Because that was supposed to be an order, not a suggestion."

Janet was right, Jack really did have beautiful eyes. And the way his mouth would quirk at the corners when he was feeling especially amused -- that was fascinating and, well, incredibly sexy. Daniel suddenly found himself wanting to lick the corners of his mouth, to see if Jack's tongue would come out to play.

Daniel flushed, feeling turned on and comforted by the memory of Jack's generous mouth. "Hey," he whispered, rolling closer to Jack. "I didn't tell you this before, and I should have." Jack turned his head to look at him, his dark eyes wary and attentive. He watched as Daniel lifted his right hand, he watched and lay unmoving as Daniel carefully, oh so carefully, touched his fingertips to Jack's cheek and whispered, "I'm in love with you, Jack. I didn't even realise it, I never even noticed how much I loved you, but I do, I love you, I'm in love with you." And Jack watched as Daniel leaned in to kiss him on the mouth, gently.

But then he pulled Daniel's hand away, and drew back his head, sighing, "Daniel, no. You don't have to say it just because I did. You were under the influence of alien technology, we both were." Jack's lips were chapped but warm as he pressed a kiss to Daniel's palm before pushing his hand away.

Daniel huffed a laugh, tangling his fingers with Jack's before he could get away. "Oh, trust me, Jack, I'm not that altruistic." He leaned in for another kiss and was elated when Jack responded, a little desperately. Lost in heat and tongue and teeth, Daniel was panting when he finally pulled back, having forgotten what he'd planned to say. "Jack, I do love you, you have to believe me."

Now Jack's hands were on his face, cupping his jaw in a protective gesture that was so completely Jack. "I wish I could," he said brokenly, and Daniel shook his head at the idea of Jack being broken because -- no. Just no. "But things don't come so easy, Daniel, they _can't_."

"Easy?" Daniel shook his head again, this time in bewilderment. "This wasn't easy, none of this has been easy, I thought you'd had a _stroke_ \-- and Sam was being so goddamn _nice_. Shit, we got turned into _girls_, Jack -- where's the easy in that?"

He touched Jack's cheek again, felt the prickle of stubble, traced the outline of his lips that were the same as always. "We can do this, Jack. We can make this work." Feeling Jack shiver, seeing the glimmer of hope in those eyes, he leaned in so close that they were sharing the same breath. "Sam said something to me, about how love is supposed to make us _more_. More ourselves, and more than ourselves. Don't you see? I'm more with you, Jack, you make me more myself. And you make me more than I ever thought I could be. And, at the risk of sounding incredibly arrogant --"

To which Jack groaned, "Shut up, shut up, I get it already! You make me complete, I'm nothing without you, only half a man," and he would've kept on, but Daniel was kissing him, little nipping kisses along his jaw, and down his neck, then around to that sweet spot right behind his ear. "Daniel, you are," said Jack, breathlessly, "the most frustrating man I've ever had the misfortune to meet. And woman. Most frustrating woman." Jack seemed intent on pointing that out, but at least he wasn't pulling away from Daniel's eager hands. "Most frustrating whatever gender or species you are."

"Mm-hmm. It's a good thing I'm such a hot piece of ass, then, isn't it?" said Daniel, as he pulled down the zipper of Jack's sleeping bag.


End file.
